Sentimental

All my life I have been on of those people who gets sappy when one chapter ends and another begins. Don't get me wrong, I am excited to become a Sophomore in college and to have a new year ahead of me, full of possibilities. But at the same time I can't shake the feeling of that utter sadness that the roommates I had this year will be different when I return. I will be in the same apartment as this past year, and I keep thinking, "Oh, when I return they'll all still be there, same as when I left this past May. It was just a break." But it's not a break, and yes I know that I will still see them, but it's not the same. I love pictures to remember the moments, I'm sappy and get emotional at farewells. So to live in the same apartment, without the same people will be weird to say the least. I know change is good, but I don't want things to change, sure we had our roommate disagreements, but what roommates don't argue at some point. I got extremely lucky with who I roomed with, it could of been terrible, but luckily after living with them for almost a year, they have grown to be people I can depend on and close friends of mine that I confide in. I'll miss being able to walk out of my room and into theirs and say whatever, now I'll have to call or text them to come visit me, or make a night out for all of us to catch up during. I don't know, growing up sucks sometimes, not even the responsibility, but the change. The change of how relationships shift around you, and how fragile they are, or how strong, because now I guess it will mean more when we all get together. I know in some way I am probably being silly, that I should look at this a good thing, which on some level I do. I know it's good to have a break for a little bit and that I have more options to do stuff with since I don't live with them then we may go out and do more, since before we could just walk down the hall. I guess I will find out how it goes, I know it will be fine, I do, but I still know that I will miss living with them. I will be sad to close one chapter to begin another.

Vunerability

Now being a 19 year old and about to enter into my Sophomore year in college, I wonder if making oneself vulnerable ever gets any easier. I wonder if it is just me or if others in this world have the same problems. Sometimes I get the courage to say something that I would otherwise keep to myself, a thought that when put out into reality could be used against me or worse taken and hurt me, but then panic for however long it takes for a response. I don't know maybe it is a stupid fear that teenagers or shy people feel because they worry about what others think, or maybe that is just me. But for whatever reason it always takes me forever to get to the point where what I have to say or think or feel about something gets hushed till I'm comfortable with it. One of the best examples is probably in school/classes. In highschool it took me a couple of weeks to feel comfortable between the teacher and the students in my class before I decided that sharing my thoughts on something was important, and now in college it's no different. I still do the same thing only now it's probably worse, because classes are HUGE some with a hundred some students just doesn't make me feel comfortable with sharing my opinions. In addition to the size the classs is for a lot less weeks than a class in highschool so there goes that too. The sad thing is I do this with people around me too, I'll be afraid to share my feelings in fear of rejection or something thinking it's stupid or I don't know. So I guess what I'm hoping is that this annoying aspect will eventually cease or I get over worrying what someone else thinks and decide if they don't like it tooo bad cause this is how I am..hmm I dont know.