The Parallels in Life

Hello Everyone,

I am sorry that it has been awhile since I have wrote any blog posts. I came on my blog today and realized just how long I have had this thing. I started out as a high school senior writing this blog for my English class assignments. Now I am a COLLEGE senior, which is beyond weird to say to me. But that means it has been nearly four years since I first designed and created this blog. I have to say that is quite impressive and sad. I don’t think I would have ever imagined just how much would change, and stay the same in four years. My senior year in high school was a separating experience for me. I didn’t feel like I should be in high school anymore and I really didn’t want to be. Sure I love to learn, but the atmosphere, I was quite over that. I never cared what party to go to or how much I should drink, I just liked learning and that was the only thing I appreciated about that year. Now four years later, I have to say it seems the same but different. I remember growing up and everyone saying that you will meet the friends you will have for forever in college, and I am here to say that isn’t necessarily true. College is an atmosphere and unless you fit into it for four years that isn’t guaranteed. With maturity and age it makes me sad to think of the people I was once so close with, who know my everyday things, and now I barely see and barely talk to. I know this happens, but I think it sucks more when once again you don’t fit that atmosphere. This past May I turned 21, which is like the holy grail of birthdays in college. Everyone goes to the bars and you drink an incredible amount of alcohol, but once again that isn’t my scene or my taste. So where do I fit into the college atmosphere if everyone I know is doing exactly that for their birthday. The answer? I don’t. I am lucky to be in a career path/major that is more family oriented. In fact, I have had this conversation with my roommate tons of times that education majors are most likely to be engaged already, already married, or have been in a long term relationship with someone and don’t plan on being single soon. This atmosphere I do fit. I fit into the idea that I want to get married, and have a family, but I want that at home, not in College Park. So even if I make all these friends, the probability of me seeing them again is low, because who is going to travel all the way to where I live, just to have lunch (probably just my roommate, but she is an exception). So I face going into another senior year, and again it is like a separating. I go through the education and the motions to get to the other side to move to the next chapter. It happens for everyone, but I guess mine will be sooner rather than later.

Education, Education, and more Education

As my educational classes continue thoughts of future education keep swirling around in my head. Today there was a guest speaker to my class to talk about contemporary education and what is happening now based off of Horace Mann's original common school idea. The most shocking thing I learned today was that there are schools who have students who are kicked out of public schools, and told that they can not be in a public school whatsoever. I had absolutely no idea this happened, nor can I imagine teaching in a school with six kids who have security guards and one teacher there to explain the subjects to them with limited supplies based on what is allowed to be in their vacinity. On top of this realization is the fact that schools are so unequal with each other AND that government tries to change things in education so much that even the people don't always know about it. The speaker gave us an example of this because she has moved around and taught in several different states and it has cost her thousands of dollars to get certified each time because of the local standards, yet there are federal standards as well..

For a future educator this is kind of scary, if I decide to move what are the laws that are going to be on the books about what can and can't happen in public schools and on top of that I only really have experience of being in private school for the majority of my education. So I feel more comfortable in private school environments because that is where I was taught. I also think it is absurd that there are so many different standards depending on what state you live in. I thought that the point of public schools is as a standardization of education in order to make sure that students are taught what they need in order to succeed. However, there are those schools that you here about that are at a lower level even as graduates, how are they going to succeed in life.

Another question posed to us by the speaker was what do you do with those students who don't succeed in public schools, what happens to them? I think this is an extremely important question, there are all of these laws about No child left behind yet you still have THOUSANDS of students who don't succeed in public schools and their alternative is almost a waste of time until they are old enough to say that they can graduate. A personal story I have heard of this is from my cousin. She was put in classes that the school called Special Ed. and what did those teachers(if you can call them that) do? They gave them the test, told them where the answers were, and then let them watch movies the rest of the time. WHAT KIND OF EDUCATION IS THAT?! If these people are already falling behind and you water down or make something that easy you are just continuing their decent. That isn't helping them and what message does that send to someone like my cousin? That you don't have the same abilities to learn as someone else so we aren't even going to teach you anything and waste our time. The fact that THIS kind of education still exists in our country is ridiculous and is appalling. My cousin is perfectly capable of learning the same things as anyone else just differently. But what those teachers did was stunt the knowledge that could of been learned in the appropriate time frame so that my cousin is now behind at a later age because no one even tried.

I know my blog has become somewhat of an education piece lately but since it is my major and there is an election it keeps popping up everywhere I go. I would love to hear other people's opinions on education matters. So please comment cause I would love other perspectives on these issues.

Education

I don’t think that someone could of convinced me that after being in school for thirteen years of my life that I would come to college and decide that education is one of the hardest things to define and that the way education is headed is a nightmare and almost makes me scared.

 

To preface everyone on why I am making this statement, let me first begin that I am in the midst of taking philosophy in education and an education class where you go into the field for three hours at a public elementary school. Another fun fact you should know to understand my dilemma is the fact that I went to a private school for K-12. So I am not sure if the tests that I took, or the lack thereof, are due to my county or due to the fact that I went to a private school for elementary school.

Part of the main components to my education class that has a field component is to interview teachers, art instructors, principals, anyone really to observe as much as I possibly can about the school system from a perspective other than a student. I have to say that I am APPALLED by the fact that we put so much emphasis on all of these tests. 

I know that I don’t really use cursive anymore unless I am trying to be fancy, but what do you mean you don’t teach cursive anymore!?! At least I am capable of doing it if I have to, like how are you going to sign your name?? I also completely understand why half of the people in college don’t know how to write essays (something that I had drilled into me before I even entered high school). There are so many things that are being cut out of a school day because it doesn’t benefit the students in order to take tests, well that is all fine and dandy until they get to the part of schooling, particularly college, and you aren’t taught the same way anymore, you have to think for yourself, be creative and above all write ESSAYS!  

I may be in the minority or the majority when I say these things I am not really sure, but I can say with 100% confidence that I wouldn’t be the same student if I hadn’t been to private school for all those years. I feel that I am better-rounded and can think for myself better than some of my peers who only know how to regurgitate information. It saddens me that this country, one that prides itself on freedom and “Democracy” has such a poor educational system. Did you know that we are being outperformed by a ridiculous number of countries that I think is 44. 44 countries are BETTER than the United States, and how is the US deciding to fix this? Give more tests and make teacher salaries based off of these tests, one teacher I talked to said that Maryland is even trying to make a teacher only be guaranteed half of their salary, that’s right HALF of their salary until the results on the tests come in and then depending on performance may or may not get the rest of their salary. I am sorry but what kind of incentive are you giving teachers to TEACH your children, your pride and joy the FUTURE of this country. You want all of your children to grow up and be successful yet you don’t provide teachers the opportunity to do so, and whose fault is that if little Sally can’t do something or little Sally is doing badly? The teachers. The fact that majority of the public would say it is the TEACHERS fault just irritates me. Yes I know there are those teachers who don’t help the stereotype but it isn’t an “easy job” to do. Shoot I feel like if all of those people who say teachers are the problem had to teach for a year and saw what it takes and what goes into it to actually perform and have some kind of positive result they would be whistling a different tune. But in fact the people who decide what should happen to education are those who are ignorant to what it really needs, and these are the people that we put in charge to make decisions…

 

 

And they lived happily ever after...or did they?

I have always been one of those girls who loved fairy tales and romantic chick flick movies where the guy is unbelievably sweet and treats the girl like a princess, for no reason at all other than because he wants to. I never thought this was possible to exist or that it would even happen, I also hoped that in some way it would. Little things are always more important to me than big grand gestures, but buying me things for no reason, and showing me how you care and taking what I love and incorporating that is all I could ever ask for, in fact it would be more than I would ever ask for.

Before I tell you where this is going I need to also tell you something else about myself, and that is that my parents have alwaays paid for everything. What do I mean by this? Well whenever I would go out to dinner with family members or their friends or anything they would never let any pay, in fact I became the one to steal the check from the other party if it came down to it. To add to this fact my grandparents are the same way, when my mom used to pay my poppop for babysitting me during the week she would have to hide the money on his fridge and then we had to run so that he couldn't try and give it back to her becuase it would object to the amount she had left.

So now to why this all matters, my boyfriend is the greatest gentleman ever, the only problem? I don't know how to play the typical "princess". For examples he ALWAYS pays, it doesn't matter where or what or when I'm not allowed. I get that it makes him feel like a man and blah blah blah, but always?! No he works hard I should be able to pay sometimes or help or something. He holds the door open for me, in fact will give me a look if I try and beat him to the door, and he is determined to "spoil me." To what I have told him is that I do not need such things and he merely responds, well it is what I want to do, I like to give gifts.

So today his latest idea is to ask me what my favorite kind of jewelry is, which is already a red flag that flies into the air when I read this. What is he planning especially so close to his own BIRTHDAY!

Many people who will read this I am sure will just say SHH and be happy, take it in because it won't last or because not every guy is like that, and believe me I know and I do appreciate it, but my thing is what am I supposed to do to make him feel like I put in just as much as he does. Is it possible to have the fairytale? And do I just need to get over it and let him do these things for me?

Who would have ever thought that a girl who loves all the romantic fairytale stuff would basically get that and have no idea on what to do and how to handle it..

Fairytales should of fixed this problem in them as well..

Sentimental

All my life I have been on of those people who gets sappy when one chapter ends and another begins. Don't get me wrong, I am excited to become a Sophomore in college and to have a new year ahead of me, full of possibilities. But at the same time I can't shake the feeling of that utter sadness that the roommates I had this year will be different when I return. I will be in the same apartment as this past year, and I keep thinking, "Oh, when I return they'll all still be there, same as when I left this past May. It was just a break." But it's not a break, and yes I know that I will still see them, but it's not the same. I love pictures to remember the moments, I'm sappy and get emotional at farewells. So to live in the same apartment, without the same people will be weird to say the least. I know change is good, but I don't want things to change, sure we had our roommate disagreements, but what roommates don't argue at some point. I got extremely lucky with who I roomed with, it could of been terrible, but luckily after living with them for almost a year, they have grown to be people I can depend on and close friends of mine that I confide in. I'll miss being able to walk out of my room and into theirs and say whatever, now I'll have to call or text them to come visit me, or make a night out for all of us to catch up during. I don't know, growing up sucks sometimes, not even the responsibility, but the change. The change of how relationships shift around you, and how fragile they are, or how strong, because now I guess it will mean more when we all get together. I know in some way I am probably being silly, that I should look at this a good thing, which on some level I do. I know it's good to have a break for a little bit and that I have more options to do stuff with since I don't live with them then we may go out and do more, since before we could just walk down the hall. I guess I will find out how it goes, I know it will be fine, I do, but I still know that I will miss living with them. I will be sad to close one chapter to begin another.

Vunerability

Now being a 19 year old and about to enter into my Sophomore year in college, I wonder if making oneself vulnerable ever gets any easier. I wonder if it is just me or if others in this world have the same problems. Sometimes I get the courage to say something that I would otherwise keep to myself, a thought that when put out into reality could be used against me or worse taken and hurt me, but then panic for however long it takes for a response. I don't know maybe it is a stupid fear that teenagers or shy people feel because they worry about what others think, or maybe that is just me. But for whatever reason it always takes me forever to get to the point where what I have to say or think or feel about something gets hushed till I'm comfortable with it. One of the best examples is probably in school/classes. In highschool it took me a couple of weeks to feel comfortable between the teacher and the students in my class before I decided that sharing my thoughts on something was important, and now in college it's no different. I still do the same thing only now it's probably worse, because classes are HUGE some with a hundred some students just doesn't make me feel comfortable with sharing my opinions. In addition to the size the classs is for a lot less weeks than a class in highschool so there goes that too. The sad thing is I do this with people around me too, I'll be afraid to share my feelings in fear of rejection or something thinking it's stupid or I don't know. So I guess what I'm hoping is that this annoying aspect will eventually cease or I get over worrying what someone else thinks and decide if they don't like it tooo bad cause this is how I am..hmm I dont know.

I don't get it

I just don't understand. I feel like I do a lot for people I care about. I wouldn't judge them, you can yell at me and yell at me and I'll forgive you, and if you are family...there's nothing I wouldn't do for you..I have been here for you for the last two years more than ANYONE else. I have kept your secrets, talked to you on the phone for hours telling you it wasn't you. But you can tell me that I don't care at ALL? That you put in so much effort and don't get ANYTHING out of it? Are you kidding me? Really?

I just don't understand..
What do I do to always get this response.. I have my stuff together relatively all the time. I crack like anyone else does, but usually handle it on my own pretty well. But I need someone and I don't get it. EVER. They always find something and can't help. All I ask is to be able to have someone there for me at any moment, no matter what. Not on their time not on their agenda. I just don't get how I can be there for someone so whole heartedly be sooo patient with them and understand and explain to others when they want to give up. Sacrifice if I had to and do ANYTHING but I somehow manage to not get the same respect I give to others or the same patience or same rules. I get judged, yelled at, ignored, things I could never do to someone I love. No matter how mad I am at them. I want to stop being the mature one and be at an age when people grow up and realize treating me like that sucks and isn't fair. Even if i forgive you doesn't mean i deserved to be treated that way. I'm not a doormat you can just walk over, it still hurts and I don't appreciate it.

I just want this to stop happening..